Author: The Goof (Page 33 of 43)

My wife and I always compromise – I admit I’m wrong – and she agrees with me.

Those who can’t laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

Ladies first – pretty ladies firster!

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, preferably with the same person.

You’re getting old – when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.

It doesn’t matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books.

Saving is the best thing – especially if your parents have done it for you.

Don’t feel bad – lots of people have no talent.

Don’t marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you can’t live without, but which ever you do, you’ll regret it later.

You can’t buy love – but you pay heavily for it.

Bad politicians get elected because good citizens don’t vote.

Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

Marriage is give and take.
You’d better give it to her
Or she’ll take it.

Regular naps prevent old age – especially if you take them while driving.

Having one child makes you a parent – having two or more makes you a referee.

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right – And the other is the husband!

I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried but they still wanted cash.

A child’s greatest period of growth – Is the month right after you’ve bought new school uniforms.

I always said golf was a dangerous game…all this happened because Tiger picked up another birdie.

Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole in one.

Tiger Woods apparantly is giving up pro golf. He was rumoured saying ‘My putting is still good, but I keep driving into the trees’

What’s the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.

Tiger Woods wasn’t seriously injured in the crash, but he’s still below par.

“Tiger’s got a great Caddie, but it’s not enough to get him out of the rough on this one.”

What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the morning? They went clubbing

Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn’t decide between a wood and an iron.

What is Tiger’s least favorite wood? A tree!

Why did Elin Woods use the 9 iron to bust out the rear window? Because she hated the driver.

Comment by Tiger Wood’s neighbor on Elin’s behavior: “All I can say is that I ain’t seen anyone swing a club so hard after a running start since Happy Gilmore!”

poor Elin- I dont know how she putts, but its clear she can’t seem to hit the driver…

Ping just offered Elin Woods an endorsement contract pushing her own set of drivers. They said to named Elin Woods…”clubs you can beat Tiger with.”

News travels fast. The Chinese are already making a movie about Tiger Woods’ crash. They are calling it, ” Scratching Swede, Lying Tiger.”

Tiger just changed his nickname but still kept it in the cat family–his new name?: Cheetah

What do Tiger Woods and baby seals have in common ?? They’re both clubbed by Norwegians !

I am getting much better at sex. Last night my girlfriend lost her place in her book twice. – Richard Wiseman

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