This is so mean, but I’m sure there are many parents would like to do this…
Tag: Life (Page 1 of 2)
Criminal: A person with predatory instincts who lacks sufficient capital to form a corporation. – Clarence Darrow
Oh, you hate your job? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY & they meet at the bar. –George Carlin
There . . . I fixed it
Are you happy NOW?
First try to minimize creating the stains. Wait until your antiperspirant is dry completely before you put on your shirt.
To get the stains out of your white shirts:
– For old stains: soak the shirt in white vinegar or use a prewash stain remover.
– For new stains: soak the shirt in ammonia.
Then wash the shirt in the hottest water possible for the fabric using an oxygenated bleach or a product containing enzymes.
The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he's a baby. – Natalie Wood
A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles along for the company.
One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that he’s lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.
The old poodle thinks, ‘Oh, oh! I’m in deep doo-doo now!’ Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap the old poodle exclaims loudly, ‘Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?’
Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. ‘Whew!’ says the leopard, ‘That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!’
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.
The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, ‘Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what’s going to happen to that conniving canine!
Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, ‘What am I going to do now?’, but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn’t seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says,
‘Where the fuck is that useless monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard! ‘
Moral of this story….
Don’t mess with old farts … age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! Bullshit and brilliance only come with age and experience.
A visitor to San Francisco is standing on a street corner waiting for a bus when he notices a blind man and his guide dog. The dog leads the man into the street, where he is brushed by an oncoming car. The man is knocked down, and he rather gingerly gets back up. He calls the guide dog over, reaches into his pocket, pulls out a canine treat, and gives it to the dog.
The visitor, upon seeing all this, walks over to the blind man and says, “That’s amazing! Your guide dog led you into a busy street where you were nearly run over by a car, and yet you’re giving the dog a treat. You must really love that dog.”
The blind man turns to the visitor and says, “No, I’m gonna kick that dogs ass–I’m just trying to find out which end is which.”