“It’s not the men in my life that count; it’s the life in my men.” – Mae West
“All real men are gentle; without tenderness, a man is uninteresting.” – Marlene Dietrich
“Not only is it harder to be a man, it is also harder to become one.” – Arianna Huffington
“Men should be the ones who succeed. It makes me feel comfortable if men are the ones in control.” – Angie Dickinson
“I like to wake up feeling a new man.” – Jean Harlow
“I love waistlines that are not too big, I love legs, and I love hands. I kind of like it all, to be honest with you.” – Ann Curry
“The only thing worse than a man you can’t control is a man you can.” – Margo Kaufman
“I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.” – Rita Rudner
“I have to say that men in general are a good thing.” – Jennifer Anniston
As found in Men’s Health, 2004
“Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There’s too much fraternizing with the enemy.” – Henry Kissinger
“Our courtship was fast and furious – I was fast and she was furious.” – Max Kauffmann
“I wanna die with you Wendy on the streets tonight/In an everlasting kiss.” – Bruce Springsteen
“Love is the delusion that one woman is different from another.” – H.L. Mencken
“The best love affairs are those we never had.” – Norman Lindsay
“A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears.” – Woodrow Wyatt
“Lots of women go out with me just to further their careers – damn anthropologists!” – Emo Philips
“It is strange, the stages by which you realize you are too late – you have swallowed the hook.” – John Herman
“Love is a rose but you better not pick it/It only grows when it’s on the vine.” Neil Young
“Men play the game; women know the score.” – Roger Woddis
As found in Men’s Health, 2004
A GIRL’S PRAYER
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man who’s not a creep.
One who’s handsome, smart and strong,
One whose willy’s thick and long.
One who thinks before he speaks,
When promises to call, he won’t wait weeks.
I pray that he is gainfully employed,
And when I spend his cash, won’t be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair, and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh, send me a man who will make love to my mind,
Knows just what to say, when I ask, “How big’s my behind?”
One who’ll make love ’til my body’s a-twitching,
In the hall, the loo, the garden and kitchen!
I pray that this man will love me no end,
And never attempts to shag my best friend.
And as I kneel and pray by my bed,
I look at the wanker you sent me instead.
A BOY’S PRAYER
I pray for a lady with big tits.
1. I’m not your type. I’m not inflatable.
2. A hard-on does not count as personal growth.
3. This isn’t an office. Its Hell with fluorescent lighting.
4. Do I look like a fucking people person?
5. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
6. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
7. If I want to hear the patter of little feet, I’ll put shoes on my cat.
8. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
9. See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
10. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.