Goofingaround

“Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes.  There’s too much fraternizing with the enemy.” – Henry Kissinger
“Our courtship was fast and furious – I was fast and she was furious.” – Max Kauffmann
“I wanna die with you Wendy on the streets tonight/In an everlasting kiss.” – Bruce Springsteen
“Love is the delusion that one [...]

1. It is important to find a woman that cooks and cleans.
2. It is important to find a woman that makes good money.
3. It is important to find a woman that likes to have sex.
4. [...]

Every 7 minutes of everyday, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.

Women over 50 don’t have babies because they would put them down and forget where they left them.

One of life’s mysteries is how a 2-pound box of chocolates can make a woman gain 5lbs.

My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.

The best [...]

A husband was in big trouble when he forgot his wedding anniversary.

His wife told him, “Tomorrow there better be something in the driveway for me that goes zero to 200 in 2 seconds flat”.

The next morning the wife found a small package in the driveway.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Funeral arrangements [...]

Secrets to a happy marriage
1. It is important to find a woman that cooks and cleans.
2. It is important to find a woman that makes good money.
3. It is important to find a woman that likes to have sex.
4. It is important that these three women never meet.

There was an old guy wandering around the supermarket calling out, “Crisco, Crisco!”
Finally a store clerk approached. “Sir, the Crisco is in aisle five.”
“Oh,” replied the old gentleman, “I’m not looking for cooking Crisco, I am calling my wife.”
“Your wife is named “Crisco?”
“Nah,” he answered, “I only call her that when we’re out in public.”
“Oh? [...]

A young couple took their three-year-old son to doctor Cohen. With some hesitation, they explained that, although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.
After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, “Just feed him bagels with cream cheese. That should solve the problem.”
The next morning, [...]