Having Fun
A man asks his doctor, “Can I have sex with my pregnant wife?”
The doctor replies, “Yes, the first 3 months will be just like normal, the next three months you should do it like a dog, and the last three months you should do it like tiger”
The man replies, “Tiger?”
The doctor explains, “Tiger Woods. Sleep with other women.”
“Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There’s too much fraternizing with the enemy.” – Henry Kissinger
“Our courtship was fast and furious – I was fast and she was furious.” – Max Kauffmann
“I wanna die with you Wendy on the streets tonight/In an everlasting kiss.” – Bruce Springsteen
“Love is the delusion that one woman is different from another.” – H.L. Mencken
“The best love affairs are those we never had.” – Norman Lindsay
“A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears.” – Woodrow Wyatt
“Lots of women go out with me just to further their careers – damn anthropologists!” – Emo Philips
“It is strange, the stages by which you realize you are too late – you have swallowed the hook.” – John Herman
“Love is a rose but you better not pick it/It only grows when it’s on the vine.” Neil Young
“Men play the game; women know the score.” – Roger Woddis
As found in Men’s Health, 2004
1. It is important to find a woman that cooks and cleans.
2. It is important to find a woman that makes good money.
3. It is important to find a woman that likes to have sex.
4. It is important that these three women never meet.
Secrets to a happy marriage
1. It is important to find a woman that cooks and cleans.
2. It is important to find a woman that makes good money.
3. It is important to find a woman that likes to have sex.
4. It is important that these three women never meet.
There was an old guy wandering around the supermarket calling out, “Crisco, Crisco!”
Finally a store clerk approached. “Sir, the Crisco is in aisle five.”
“Oh,” replied the old gentleman, “I’m not looking for cooking Crisco, I am calling my wife.”
“Your wife is named “Crisco?”
“Nah,” he answered, “I only call her that when we’re out in public.”
“Oh? What do you call her when you are at home?”
“Lard ass.”
A young couple took their three-year-old son to doctor Cohen. With some hesitation, they explained that, although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.
After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, “Just feed him bagels with cream cheese. That should solve the problem.”
The next morning, when ! the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm bagels and cream cheese in the middle of the table.
“Gee, mom,” the boy exclaimed. “For me?”
“Just take two,” his mother replied. “The rest are for your father.”
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