Having Fun

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Risk Management

“Courage is not simply one of the virtues but the form of every virtue at the testing point.” – C.S. Lewis

“The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause; who at best, if he wins, knows the thrills of high achievement, and, if he fails, at least fails daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.” – Theodore Roosevelt

“A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.” – Mark Twain

“If the creator had a purpose in equipping us with a neck, he surely meant us to stick it out.” – Arthur Koestler

“It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees.” – Dolores Ibarrui

“Life is a fatal adventure.  It can only have one end. So why not make it as far-ranging and free as possible?” – Alexander Eliot

As found in Men’s Health, 2005

The Male Animal

“It’s not the men in my life that count; it’s the life in my men.” – Mae West

“All real men are gentle; without tenderness, a man is uninteresting.” – Marlene Dietrich

“Not only is it harder to be a man, it is also harder to become one.” – Arianna Huffington

“Men should be the ones who succeed. It makes me feel comfortable if men are the ones in control.” – Angie Dickinson

“I like to wake up feeling a new man.” – Jean Harlow

“I love waistlines that are not too big, I love legs, and I love hands. I kind of like it all, to be honest with you.” – Ann Curry

“The only thing worse than a man you can’t control is a man you can.” – Margo Kaufman

“I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.” – Rita Rudner

“I have to say that men in general are a good thing.” – Jennifer Anniston

As found in Men’s Health, 2004

Hooking up

“Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes.  There’s too much fraternizing with the enemy.” – Henry Kissinger

“Our courtship was fast and furious – I was fast and she was furious.” – Max Kauffmann

“I wanna die with you Wendy on the streets tonight/In an everlasting kiss.” – Bruce Springsteen

“Love is the delusion that one woman is different from another.” – H.L. Mencken

“The best love affairs are those we never had.” – Norman Lindsay

“A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears.” – Woodrow Wyatt

“Lots of women go out with me just to further their careers – damn anthropologists!” – Emo Philips

“It is strange, the stages by which you realize you are too late – you have swallowed the hook.” – John Herman

“Love is a rose but you better not pick it/It only grows when it’s on the vine.” Neil Young

“Men play the game; women know the score.” – Roger Woddis

As found in Men’s Health, 2004

You know you are from the 80’s if…

1. You used to buy cassette singles… and still have some stashed somewhere…

2. You can sing the rap to the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and can do the Carlton

3. Girls wore biker shorts under their skirts and felt stylishly sexy.

4. You yearned to be a member of the Baby-sitters club and tried to start a club of your own.

5. You owned those lil’ Strawberry Shortcake pals scented dolls (or your sister did).

6. You know that “WOAH” comes from Joey on Blossom

7. Two words: Hammer Pants

8. You watched “Fraggle Rock”.

9. You had plastic streamers on your handle bars… and spokey-dokies or playing cards on your spokes for that incredible sound effect

10. You watched “Duck Tales” (Woo ooh!)

11. It was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.

12. You (your sister, cousins) wore a ponytail on the side of your head.

13. You saw the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on the big screen…and still know the turtles names.

14. You made your mom buy one of those clips that would hold your shirt in a knot on the side.

15. You had big hair and you knew how to use it.

16. You wore stonewashed Jordache jean jackets and were proud of it.

17. L.A. Gear….need I say more?

18. You remember reading Tales of a fourth grade nothing and all the other Judy Blume books.

19. You know the profound meaning of “WAX ON, WAX OFF”

20. You wanted to be a Goonie.

21. You ever wore fluorescent clothing. (some of us…head-to-toe)

22. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off and his cheeks shifted.

23. You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.

24. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets.

25. You still get the urge to say “NOT” after every sentence.

26. You remember Hypercolor t-shirts.

27. Barbie and the Rockers was your favourite band.

28. You thought She-ra (Princess of Power!) and He-Man should hook up.

29. You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you exchanged handmade friendship bracelets.

30. After you saw Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure you kept saying “I know you are, but what am I?”

31. You remember “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up”

32. You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates.

33. You ever got seriously injured on a Slip and Slide.

34. You have ever played with a Skip-It or Elastix

35. You had or attended a birthday party at McDonalds.

36. You’ve gone through this nodding your head in agreement.

37. Don’t worry, be happy

38. You wore like, EIGHT pairs of socks over tights with high top Reeboks.

39. You wore socks scrunched down

40. You remember boom boxes and walking around with one on your shoulder like you were all that.

41. You remember watching both Gremlins movies.

42. You know what it meant to say “Care Bear Stare!!”

43. You remember watching Rainbow Bright and & My Little Pony Tales

44. You thought Doogie Howser/Samantha Micelli was hot.

45. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac.

46. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool…and don’t even flinch when people refer to them as “NKOTB”

47. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on “Saved By The Bell,” The ORIGINAL class.

48. You know all the words to Bon Jovi – SHOT THROUGH THE HEART.

49. You just sang those words to yourself.

50. You remember watching Magic vs. Bird.

51. Homemade Levi shorts.. (the shorter the better)

52. You remember when mullets were cool!

53. You had a mullet!

54. You still sing “We are the World”

55. You tight rolled your jeans.

56. You owned a bannana clip.

57. You used to (and probably still do) say “What you talkin’ ’bout Willis?”

58. You’re still singing shot through the heart in your head, aren’t you!

Visit to the hospital

A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a coma for several years. On this visit he decides to rub her left breast instead of just talking to her. On doing this she lets out a sigh. The man runs out and tells the doctor who says this is a good sign and suggests he should try rubbing her right breast to see if there is any reaction.

The man goes in and rubs her right breast and this brings a moan. From this, the doctor suggests that the man should go in and try oral sex, saying he will wait outside as it is a personal act and he doesn’t want the man to be embarrassed.

The man goes in then comes out about five minutes later, white as a sheet and tells the doctor his wife is dead. The doctor asks what happened to which the man replies:

“She choked.”

That’s a pickle

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated that he’d be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.

One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.

“What’s wrong, Bill?” she asked. “Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer? Oh, Bill, you didn’t.”

“Yes, I did.”

“My God, Bill, what happened?”

“I got fired.”

“No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?”

“Oh…she got fired too.”

A good flight

A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hellos and he notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she replies, “This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics.  It identifies that American Indians have the longest average penis and Polish men have the biggest average diameter. By the way, my name is Jill. What’s yours?”

He coolly replies, “Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you.”

Excuse me miss

A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question.

As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.

They are both startled and he says, “Ma’am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you’ll forgive me.”

She  replies, “if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I’m in room 1221.”

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