Author: admin (Page 17 of 20)
Probably not real, but funny anyway!
Dear Mr. Minister,
I’m in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this.
How is it that Radio Shack has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a t.v. cable from them back in 1997, and yet, the Federal Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date.
For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand?
My birth date you have on my social insurance card, and it is on all the income tax forms I’ve filed for the past 30 years. It is on my health insurance card, my driver’s license, on the last eight goddamn passports I’ve had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I’ve had to fill out before being allowed off the planes over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that are done at election times.
Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother’s name is Maryanne, my father’s name is Robert and I’d be absolutely astounded if that ever changed between now and when I die!!!!!!
SHIT!
I apologize, Mr. Minister. I’m really pissed off this morning. Between you an’ me, I’ve had enough of this bullshit! You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my fuckin’ address. What is going on? You have a gang of Neanderthals assholes workin’ there!
Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don’t want to dig up Yasser Arafat, for shit sakes. I just want to go and park my ass on a sandy beach.
And would someone please tell me, why would you give a shit whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? If I ever got the urge to do something weird to a chicken or a goat, believe you me, I’d sure
as hell not want to tell anyone!
Well, I have to go now, ’cause I have to go to the other end of the city and get another fuckin’ copy of my birth certificate, to the tune of $60 !!!
Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day??
Nooooo, that’d be too damn easy and maybe make sense. You’d rather have us running all over the fuckin’ place like chickens with our heads cut off, then find some asshole to confirm that it’s really
me on the goddamn picture – you know, the one where we’re not allowed to smile?!
(fuckin’ morons)
Hey, you know why we can’t smile? We’re totally pissed off!
Signed – An Irate fucking Canadian Citizen.
P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture and getting someone to confirm that it’s me? Well, my family has been in this country since 1776 when one of my forefathers took up arms against the
Americans. I have served in the military for something over 30 years and have had security clearances up the yingyang.
I was aide de camp to the lieutenant governor of our province for ten years and I have been doing volunteer work for the RCMP for about five years.
However, I have to get someone ‘important’ to verify who I am – you know, someone like my doctor WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN COMMUNIST fucking
A husband and wife are having dinner at a fine restaurant when this absolutely, stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open-mouthed kiss, then says she’ll see him later and walks away.
The wife glares at her husband and says, “Who the hell was that?”
“Oh,” replies the husband, “she’s my mistress.”
“Well, that’s the last straw,” says the wife. “I’ve had enough, I want a divorce.”
“I can understand that,” replies her husband, “but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados , no more summers in Tuscany , no more Infiniti or Lexus in the garage, and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours.”
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a young, hot babe on his arm.
“Who’s that woman with Jim?” asks the wife.
“That’s his mistress,” says her husband.
“Ours is prettier,” she replies
After the North American Beer Festival, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. The guy from Corona sits down and says, “Hey Senor, would like the world’s best beer, a Corona.” The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.
The guy from Budweiser says, “I’d like the best beer in the world, give me ‘The King Of Beers’, a Budweiser.” The bartender gives him one.
The guy from Coors says, “I’d like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors.” He gets it.
The guy from Molson sits down and says,
“Give me a Coke.” The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.
The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask, “Why aren’t you drinking a Molson’s?”
The Molson president replies, “Well, I figured if you guys aren’t drinking beer, neither would I.”
When creating a first draft document or template, it is sometimes useful to add dummy text to act as a placeholder or to test the document. To insert dummy text into your Word document, type =rand () and then press Enter. Word will then create the dummy text. By default, the text contains three paragraphs, each containing five sentences. To insert a defined amount of text, type =rand (p,s) where p is the number of paragraphs you require and s is the number of sentences per paragraph.