Goofingaround

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Twitter Weekly Updates for 2009-07-05

July 5, 2009 / / 0 Comments
  • Fantastic photos from space of a volcano erupting: http://www.goofingaround.ca/volcano #
  • Amazing video to see: looks like a model but it is real life. http://vimeo.com/3156959 #
  • For the record: enough MJ stuff. I didn't care about him when he was alive, I sure don't care about him now. #
  • @johntobin um, coming from someone who is British from the United Kingdom. Aren't you United Kingdomite? Kingdomer? Briton? Kingdumber? #
  • Great picture that is very innocent, unless you have a dirty mind: http://www.goofingaround.ca/wp8 #

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Helpful tips

July 2, 2009 / / 0 Comments

1. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you slice.
2. Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.
3. For high blood pressure sufferers ~ simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Remember to use a timer.
4. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
5. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you’ll be too afraid to cough.
6. You only need two tools in life – wd-40 and duct tape. If it doesn’t move and should, use the wd-40. If it shouldn’t move and does, use the duct tape.
7. If you can’t fix it with a hammer, you’ve got an electrical problem.

Daily thought: some people are like slinky – not really good for anything but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs.

Thanks for this Chad!

Three Drunk Mice

June 30, 2009 / / 0 Comments

Three drunk mice were sitting in a bar talking about how tough they were.

The first mouse knocked back a shot of whisky and said: “I play with mouse traps for fun. I run into one on purpose, and as it is closing on me, I reach up, grab the bar, and use it to flex my muscles twenty or thirty times.”And with that he swallows another drink.

The second mouse downs a whiskey and says: “That’s nothing. I take rat poison, grind it into powder, and snort it just for the fun of it.” And with that he takes another shot.

The third mouse knocks back his Scotch, gets up and walks away.

The first two mice look at each other, and then turn to the third. “Where are you going?” they ask.

The third mouse calls out over his shoulder: “I’m going home to fuck the cat.”

The cure

June 29, 2009 / / 0 Comments

After about four minutes in the examination room with a new, younger doctor, Mrs Reid burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall.

An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was and she told him her story. After listening, he had her sit down and relax in a room.

The older doctor marched down the hallway to where the young doctor was writing on his clipboard.

“What’s the matter with you?” the older doctor demanded. “Mrs. Reid is 62 years old, has four grown children and seven grandchildren -and you told her she was pregnant?”

The younger doctor continued writing and without looking up said, “Does she still have the hiccups?”

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2009-06-28

June 28, 2009 / / 0 Comments
  • Georgie Porgy pudding and pie
    Kissed the girls and made them cry.
    When the boys came out to play,
    He kissed them too, cause he was gay. #
  • Happy Pride week Toronto! #
  • Just was attacked by a red winged black bird.WTF? Walking down Queens Quay on my way to work & it comes from behind & claws & pecks my head! #
  • For all you graduates out there: insert your own schools here: #joke http://www.goofingaround.ca/yj5 #
  • No, no, no! Men: black sports socks with dress shoes AND SHORTS is not allowed. You look like idiots. #
  • (sung to "BAD") "You know I'm dead, I'm dead, you know it…." RIP Michael Jackson #
  • @johntobin Must sux to be you. Lost D. Eddings, Gemmell and now Michael Jackson. #
  • OMG! Does anyone know the whereabouts of El Debarge? Is he dead too? #
  • RT @joshacagan More bad news for the Jacksons…At 11:58am PST, LaToya Jackson was tragically declared "Still Alive." #

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Twitter Weekly Updates for 2009-06-28

June 28, 2009 / / 0 Comments
  • Georgie Porgy pudding and pie
    Kissed the girls and made them cry.
    When the boys came out to play,
    He kissed them too, cause he was gay. #
  • Happy Pride week Toronto! #
  • Just was attacked by a red winged black bird.WTF? Walking down Queens Quay on my way to work & it comes from behind & claws & pecks my head! #
  • For all you graduates out there: insert your own schools here: #joke http://www.goofingaround.ca/yj5 #
  • No, no, no! Men: black sports socks with dress shoes AND SHORTS is not allowed. You look like idiots. #
  • (sung to "BAD") "You know I'm dead, I'm dead, you know it…." RIP Michael Jackson #
  • @johntobin Must sux to be you. Lost D. Eddings, Gemmell and now Michael Jackson. #
  • OMG! Does anyone know the whereabouts of El Debarge? Is he dead too? #
  • RT @joshacagan More bad news for the Jacksons…At 11:58am PST, LaToya Jackson was tragically declared "Still Alive." #

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Guide Dog

June 28, 2009 / / 0 Comments

A visitor to San Francisco is standing on a street corner waiting for a bus when he notices a blind man and his guide dog. The dog leads the man into the street, where he is brushed by an oncoming car. The man is knocked down, and he rather gingerly gets back up. He calls the guide dog over, reaches into his pocket, pulls out a canine treat, and gives it to the dog.

The visitor, upon seeing all this, walks over to the blind man and says, “That’s amazing! Your guide dog led you into a busy street where you were nearly run over by a car, and yet you’re giving the dog a treat. You must really love that dog.”

The blind man turns to the visitor and says, “No, I’m gonna kick that dogs ass–I’m just trying to find out which end is which.”

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