Goofingaround

Having Fun

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You know you are from the 80’s if…

1. You used to buy cassette singles… and still have some stashed somewhere…

2. You can sing the rap to the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and can do the Carlton

3. Girls wore biker shorts under their skirts and felt stylishly sexy.

4. You yearned to be a member of the Baby-sitters club and tried to start a club of your own.

5. You owned those lil’ Strawberry Shortcake pals scented dolls (or your sister did).

6. You know that “WOAH” comes from Joey on Blossom

7. Two words: Hammer Pants

8. You watched “Fraggle Rock”.

9. You had plastic streamers on your handle bars… and spokey-dokies or playing cards on your spokes for that incredible sound effect

10. You watched “Duck Tales” (Woo ooh!)

11. It was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.

12. You (your sister, cousins) wore a ponytail on the side of your head.

13. You saw the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on the big screen…and still know the turtles names.

14. You made your mom buy one of those clips that would hold your shirt in a knot on the side.

15. You had big hair and you knew how to use it.

16. You wore stonewashed Jordache jean jackets and were proud of it.

17. L.A. Gear….need I say more?

18. You remember reading Tales of a fourth grade nothing and all the other Judy Blume books.

19. You know the profound meaning of “WAX ON, WAX OFF”

20. You wanted to be a Goonie.

21. You ever wore fluorescent clothing. (some of us…head-to-toe)

22. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off and his cheeks shifted.

23. You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.

24. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets.

25. You still get the urge to say “NOT” after every sentence.

26. You remember Hypercolor t-shirts.

27. Barbie and the Rockers was your favourite band.

28. You thought She-ra (Princess of Power!) and He-Man should hook up.

29. You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you exchanged handmade friendship bracelets.

30. After you saw Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure you kept saying “I know you are, but what am I?”

31. You remember “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up”

32. You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates.

33. You ever got seriously injured on a Slip and Slide.

34. You have ever played with a Skip-It or Elastix

35. You had or attended a birthday party at McDonalds.

36. You’ve gone through this nodding your head in agreement.

37. Don’t worry, be happy

38. You wore like, EIGHT pairs of socks over tights with high top Reeboks.

39. You wore socks scrunched down

40. You remember boom boxes and walking around with one on your shoulder like you were all that.

41. You remember watching both Gremlins movies.

42. You know what it meant to say “Care Bear Stare!!”

43. You remember watching Rainbow Bright and & My Little Pony Tales

44. You thought Doogie Howser/Samantha Micelli was hot.

45. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac.

46. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool…and don’t even flinch when people refer to them as “NKOTB”

47. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on “Saved By The Bell,” The ORIGINAL class.

48. You know all the words to Bon Jovi – SHOT THROUGH THE HEART.

49. You just sang those words to yourself.

50. You remember watching Magic vs. Bird.

51. Homemade Levi shorts.. (the shorter the better)

52. You remember when mullets were cool!

53. You had a mullet!

54. You still sing “We are the World”

55. You tight rolled your jeans.

56. You owned a bannana clip.

57. You used to (and probably still do) say “What you talkin’ ’bout Willis?”

58. You’re still singing shot through the heart in your head, aren’t you!

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2009-07-19

  • RT @badbanana: Bruno made $30.4 million this weekend. It's the biggest opening for a gay mockumentary since Top Gun. #
  • The garbage strike in T.O. highlights the amount of trash smokers create. Look at the gutters and see all the butts. #
  • Wondering if ice cream for breakfast will hurt my chances in the weight loss challenge. #
  • RT @johntobin I just committed to prepare, buy and eat more local food – um does this mean you have been eating out of country? I eat here #
  • @johntobin 'dumbass to unmeasurable levels": bit of an exaggeration. U are too smart not to be able to measure my dumbass level. prolly 7/10 in reply to johntobin #
  • Made the mistake of not telling a friend about the cool bb app Ubertwitter. I'm not supposed to be the cutting edge friend, I'm the follower #

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Visit to the hospital

A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a coma for several years. On this visit he decides to rub her left breast instead of just talking to her. On doing this she lets out a sigh. The man runs out and tells the doctor who says this is a good sign and suggests he should try rubbing her right breast to see if there is any reaction.

The man goes in and rubs her right breast and this brings a moan. From this, the doctor suggests that the man should go in and try oral sex, saying he will wait outside as it is a personal act and he doesn’t want the man to be embarrassed.

The man goes in then comes out about five minutes later, white as a sheet and tells the doctor his wife is dead. The doctor asks what happened to which the man replies:

“She choked.”

That’s a pickle

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated that he’d be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.

One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.

“What’s wrong, Bill?” she asked. “Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer? Oh, Bill, you didn’t.”

“Yes, I did.”

“My God, Bill, what happened?”

“I got fired.”

“No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?”

“Oh…she got fired too.”

A good flight

A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hellos and he notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she replies, “This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics.  It identifies that American Indians have the longest average penis and Polish men have the biggest average diameter. By the way, my name is Jill. What’s yours?”

He coolly replies, “Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you.”

Excuse me miss

A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question.

As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.

They are both startled and he says, “Ma’am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you’ll forgive me.”

She  replies, “if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I’m in room 1221.”

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2009-07-12

  • community. 2/2 #
  • RT @joshacagan I'm happy that Kobe Bryant will be at Michael Jackson's service tomorrow to represent the (alleged) sexual predator 1/2 #
  • RT @Angie_Elliott Watching the #wiggles and, you know, I don't think Greg is really driving the big red car #
  • my wife has launched a website to help out other people going through #IVF. http://www.ivfhelp.ca Check it out. #
  • So, how long before the rumours start about how #MJ faked his own death and is living in Arizona as a gas station attendant with Elvis? #
  • @LisaMarieBowman LOL! I was hoping for a three-way with you, but with your ego it would be a four way! Plus you have really fat thighs… in reply to LisaMarieBowman #
  • Watching #Law&Order UK. One of the only shows on tv that I need a translator for. @johntobin are you able to translate English to Canadian? #
  • @LisaMarieBowman Here's a thought: keep to yourself and I will do the same. I don't know what I ever did to you, to "make you cry". in reply to LisaMarieBowman #
  • #followfriday: @jessicabenner, @badbanana, @joshacagan. All three are a riot! http://myloc.me/8X5h in reply to joshacagan #
  • @LisaMarieBowman I too apologize. It's amazing how fast these twitter flames can go! Let's both gang up on that jerk with one "t"! ;o) #
  • @revdre actually if you ask aroind a threeway with an attractive young woman is quite normal. You'd pass it up? Hmm. Now if I bring a goat.. in reply to revdre #
  • I should know better than to leave my rim with Jeff #

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Bullshit and Brilliance

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles along for the company.

One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that he’s lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old poodle thinks, ‘Oh, oh! I’m in deep doo-doo now!’ Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap the old poodle exclaims loudly, ‘Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?’

Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. ‘Whew!’ says the leopard, ‘That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!’

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.

The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, ‘Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what’s going to happen to that conniving canine!

Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, ‘What am I going to do now?’, but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn’t seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says,

‘Where the fuck is that useless monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard! ‘

Moral of this story….

Don’t mess with old farts … age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! Bullshit and brilliance only come with age and experience.

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