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• RT @capricecrane: I was just informed "The Junos" are the Canadian Grammys, and not Teen Promiscuity Awards. Well, I'm not watching now. #
• @JasonInMilton best reply of the day! Made my wife and I chuckle. in reply to JasonInMilton #
• Sitting overlooking the water eating ice cream. Life is good (@ Queen's Quay Terminal) http://4sq.com/5irTjr #
• Just heard from a friend at another company that their EDW project is going so poorly the acronym is really: Everything Doesn't Work. #oops #
• RT @badbanana: Efficient Staff Meetings. Choose two. #
• On his deathbed Earl Woods gave his son Tiger this advice: "Focus on golf: fuck everything else."#tiger #joke #
• Using the new #twitter client for the #bb Nice, clean & functional. However, not as good as #ubertwitter Seems slower #
• Wow. awesome: http://digg.com/d31OxnX Cynicism never had a chance. I love people with a positive attitude & this kid definitely has one. #
• @karinaling did you ask what his fav twitter client is? in reply to karinaling #
• Great. #HST protest blocking all of Yonge and Carlton. Natives protesting with drums. #
• They are not moving. Right at rush hour. #HSTprotest #toronto #
• I just became the mayor of Spadina wave deck on @foursquare! http://4sq.com/c5CPXN #
• @karinaling where did you go and how was it? in reply to karinaling #
• Trying some hot yoga. Keeping a shirt on (nobody wants to see hot/sweaty/fat!) (@ Moksha Yoga Downtown) http://4sq.com/7fSxFY #
• Hot yoga was good. Only issue was that the only other man at the place was built like a Greek god! 6 packabs #ihatehimbecauseiamamoundofflab #

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• RT @donttrythis: @CraigyFerg Its also nice to know that thanks to your tweet, a search for Brazilian and Betty White will now yield results. #
• I just ousted Lucio T. as the mayor of Rogers OMP on @foursquare! http://4sq.com/bnGANU #
• RT @badbanana: You could string random YouTube comments together to make the next Mission Impossible script. That's how stupid they are. #
• 6 frakking streetcars going the opposite way. 1 going towards Union and it is too full to let 3 people on. Its called RUSH HOUR! #ttc #fail #
• Just passed Adam Giambrone walkimg on the street. At least he wasn't in a cab! #ttc #moretocome #
• Just passed Adam Giambrone walkimg on the street. Even HE thinks #ttc service sux! #moretocome #
• Just passed Adam Giambrone walking on the street. He had a small harem following him. #ttc #okayimdonenow #
• RT @badbanana: Business Casual means your numbers don't have to add up, right? #
• Last chance Raptors! @ game with my brother and son. (@ Air Canada Centre w/ 9 others) http://4sq.com/5ATERT #
• At the #raptor game and they just had the raptor Dad pack dance. Very funny. And the @raptors are winning, makes it even better #
• Seriously? #ttc driver of 4186 pulled away from 3 people running to catch the streetcar. Shut the door in their face. #customersevice #fail #
• Time to sit for 3 hours and be infused with a drug that while harsh, enables me to walk. (@ Mount Sinai Hospital) http://4sq.com/6FvZJJ #
• @karinaling if your SB is already worn off & you can bring in a travel mug to get free coffee, I know what you need to do: calisthenics! ;o) in reply to karinaling #
• V.funny. I'm watching a BBC special on how Homeopathy is BS whilst getting my infusion & woman next to me is reading a book on Homeopathy! #
• Chino Loco burrito for lunch equals good. Being around me this evening equals stinky. But try Chino Loco at Charles south of Wellsley. Yumm #
• Word to the wise….don't fry bacon in the nude. 'Nuff said. #

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Zoo Signs

[image: cid:3339074596_70801156]

• RT @capricecrane: The one day of the year accepting candy from a huge rabbit is okay and not a sign you should quit drugs. Happy Easter! #
• RT @davewiner: The fanboys are all hailing a naked emperor. This thing is about as useful as the PC jr. –I <3 PC Jr ref!! I'm an old geek #
• Hmm @RichardWiseman is thinking 'I don't believe her breasts come out to there as per her gesture. Now how do I prove that theory?' in reply to RichardWiseman #
• . @RichardWiseman 'if only I had an iPad I could be tweeting about this meeting!' #caption in reply to RichardWiseman #
• I'm at the #Masters !! #
• What #Tiger really wanted to say at his press conference: http://www.goofingaround.ca/tiger2 #joke #
• If the people who followed Arnold Palmer around were called "Arnie's Army" can we call the people following #Tiger "Tiger's Harem"? #
• A redhead tells her blond sister, "I slept with a Brazilian."
  The sister says, " O M G, you slut! How many is Brazilian?" #joke #
• I just became the mayor of 500 QQ on @foursquare! http://4sq.com/9rbsD6 #
• I <3 standing in the rain at rush hour waiting on the #ttc Don't they know to run MORE trains at the rush times? #fail #shittyservice #
• Hope my friend @johntobin doesn't come back from the UK with one of those fake British accents. #
• Told my wife to scrap the carpet and put in hard wood so she slapped me for talking dirty #
• Let's go Raptors! At the pivotal game with Cooper and Angie. (@ Air Canada Centre w/ 22 others) http://4sq.com/5ATERT #
• The #raptors are getting spanked by da bulls. My wife wishes SHE was a raptor! #

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Read the caption on 1st photo – - -
Then look at the 2nd

In the picture above, you can see where the driver broke through the guard rail on the right side of the culvert – where the people are standing on the road, pointing.

According to police, the pick-up was traveling about 75 mph from right to left when it crashed through the guardrail.

It flipped end-over-end, bounced off and across the culvert outlet, landed right side up on the left side of the culvert, facing in the opposite direction.

The dazed 22-year-old driver and his 18-year-old passenger were unhurt except for minor cuts and bruises.

Occurred just outside Flagstaff, Arizona on Hwy 100.

Now,

look at the second picture below. . .

Pretty damn lucky!!

• Saw Adam G. At Bloor subway. Wanted warn the female passengers that he may try to have sex with them but it won't improve the #ttc service #
• I swear if the names weren't different that this could have been written by my friend @johntobin: http://digg.com/d31MjOm #
• Having problems keeping your earbuds in? Do what I do: use binder clips on yoir ears. Or staples. #
• I just became the mayor of Elliott Sawyer mansion on @foursquare! http://4sq.com/dqQH8w #
• In Augusta the weekend before #Masters is very cool. All locals are bugging out like a hurricane is coming. I guess it is: Media & #Tiger #
• RT @capricecrane: Anna Paquin: "I'm bisexual." Husband Stephen Moyer: "I support my wife's decision to see women. In our bed. With me." #
• RT @badbanana: They should make an iPad with a fold-open keyboard that can sit on your lap. #
• I'm going to the #Masters A friend of my sister gave us a pair of passes to Monday's practice. Very excited, but miss my wife & son at home #

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There . . . I fixed it

Are you happy NOW?

These fit so well they should be in a dictionary.

__________________________________

ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye.

CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.

CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.

INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.

RAISIN: Grape with a sunburn.

SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.

SKELETON: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW: One of the greatest labour saving devices of today.

YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.

And MY Personal Favourite!!

WRINKLES: Something other people have, similar to my character lines.

I finally got around to going fishing this morning but after a while I ran out of worms.

Then I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in his mouth, and frogs are good bass bait, right? So, knowing the snake couldn’t bite me with the frog in his mouth, I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog and put it in my bait bucket. Now the dilemma was . . . . how do I release the snake without getting bit.

I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in its mouth. His eyes rolled back and he went limp. I released the snake back into the lake without incident and carried on fishing with the frog.

A little later, I felt a nudge on my foot. There was that same damn snake with two frogs in his mouth!