Georgie Porgy pudding and pie
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too, cause he was gay.
Month: June 2009 (Page 2 of 2)
- My Dad is out of surgery & doing well. They replaced his ankle, which has been immensely painful. Surprisingly they may release him tomorrow #
- @johntobin. @skidmarek sorry, I'm on top now! Wow that sounds dirty. Happy one day out of 365 John! #
- Saw a beautiful house last night. If we can get the financing we are going to put in an offer. Sorry to our 'burbs friends; its in the city. #
- Fantasic:waking up & snuggling with my son. Awful:the above but having to watch the #Wiggles. Get those songs out of my head!! #
- So far my "friends" have been tormenting me by responding with #Wiggles lyrics. I hate you all. Sitting in a meeting with thosesongsinmyhead #
- Show support for democracy in Iran add green overlay to your Twitter avatar with 1-click – http://helpiranelection.com/ #
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An office manager had money problems & had to fire an employee, either Jack or Jill.He thought he’d fire the employee who came late to work the next morning. Well, both employees came to work very early. Then the manager thought he would catch the first one who took a coffee break. Unfortunately, neither employee took a coffee break. Then the manager decided to see who took the longest lunch break – strangely, neither Jack nor Jill took a lunch break that day, they both ate at their desk. Then the manager thought he’d wait & see who would leave work the earliest, and both employees stayed after closing. Jill finally went to the coat rack & the manager went up to her & said:
“Jill, I have a terrible problem. I don’t know whether to lay you or Jack off.”
Jill said, “Well, you’d better jack off, because I’m late for my bus.”
- New favorite saying: "Superman that Ho" #
- Doucebag. You can see the #ttc streetcar coming & now you lite a cig? In the shelter where we are all standing. Inconsiderate asshole. #
- #luminato on harbourfront is amazing. Anyone else here? #
- Sing it: "going to the hos-pit-al and I'm gonna get x-rayed, going to the hos-pit-al and I'm gonna get x-rayed…" I think my arm is broken #
- Sing it: "going to the hos-pit-al and I'm gonna get x-rayed, going to the hos-pit-al and I'm gonna get x-rayed…" I think my arm is broken. #
- RT @johntobin hey @lee_elliott can run, walk, play, despite #arthritis, but now may have broken his arm. Remember: you can't fix stoopid 😉 #
- The definition of a true friend: kick you when you are down and you enjoy it! @johntobin is very funny. #
- For those of you wondering (thanks), since my #athritis is under control I now paly baseball weekly & was hit by a line drive while pitching #
- Update: 2 hours waiting; not even seen a Dr. yet. Nurses haven't checked on me either. Sweet way to spend a nice Sat afternoon. #
- 3 hours waiting for a 2 minute consult. Not broken! Woooo hooo! #
- #police wavedeck @harbourfront is a kids dream place. There are dozens of kids sliding down it & climbing all over it. Good job @mayormiller #
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Recently I was asked to play in a golf tournament.
At first I said, ‘Naaahhh!’
Then they said to me ‘Come on, it’s for handicapped and blind Kids.’
Then I thought…
Fuck – I could win this!
* Thanks to Chad for this *
Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn’t have much luck until, one day he comes across a Harley with a ‘For Sale’ sign on it. The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It is shiny and in absolute mint condition.
He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years.
“Well, it’s quite simple, really,” says the seller, “whenever the bike is outside and it’s going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain.” And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline.
That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her parents. Naturally, they take the bike there.
But just before they enter the house, Sandra stops him and says, “I have to tell you something about my family before we go in. When we eat dinner, we don’t talk. In fact, the first person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes.”
“No problem,” he says. And in they go.
Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes.
They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word. As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation. So he leans over and kisses Sandra. No one says a word. So he reaches over and fondles her breasts. Still, nobody says a word. So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table, and screws her right there, in front of her parents.
His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.
He looks at her mom. “She’s got a great body,” he thinks. So he grabs the mom, bends her over the dinner table, and has his way with her every which way right there on the dinner table. Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling, but still, total silence.
All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain.
Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket.
Suddenly the father backs away from the table and shouts, “All right, that’s enough, I’ll do the fucking dishes!”
- I love summer: girl in really short skit riding a bike towards me. Seriously, what was she thinking? #
- @joetek um you mean #Rogers Centre, right? ;o) #
- Athletes World = poser store. No sports stuff just clothes that you can’t even wear while playing sports. #
- We are all #consumers, we need to stand up for our rights. A friend of mine had an issue with #Aeroplan . http://www.goofingaround.ca/pv9 #
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Are you tired of all those mushy “friendship” poems that always sound good but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a “friendship” poem that really speaks to true friendship and truth itself.
To My Friend:
When you are sad, I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
When you are blue, I’ll try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
When you smile, I’ll know you finally got shagged.
When you are scared, I will rag you about it every chance I get.
When you are worried, I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to shut up.
When you are confused, I will use little words to explain it to you, thick idiot.
When you are sick, stay away from me until you’re well again. I don’t want to catch it.
When you fall, I will point and laugh at you – clumsy fart!
This is my oath, I pledge till the end. Why you may ask? Because you’re my friend!
P.S. A friend will help you move house.
A really good friend will help you move a body.